kristin has been a bad kristin
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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