if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
