Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
