I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
