haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
