Moan for me like Helen Keller
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I want her autograph on my taint
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
