Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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