Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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