bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
