How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
