oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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