Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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