sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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