Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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