Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
