ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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