He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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