I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
