Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
