Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
