some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
