we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
