ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
