sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
