Since when is my name a synonym for head?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
