i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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