Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
