She is in my trunk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
