I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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