we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
