i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
