Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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