mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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