shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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