We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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