How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
