Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
