What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
