She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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