4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
