I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Your dad touched me again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
