I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
