and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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