its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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