and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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