Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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