I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
