My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
