I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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