Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
